Wine, you’re drunk, go home. There you are, at the end of your hectic day, kids in bed, husband playing games on his phone again, and you on your third glass of Pinot. Now, you don’t pour just any glass, definitely not that B.S. pour that they give you in the restaurant.
You, well you may not shoot for the rim, but you are definitely a finger or less away from it, and you are on your third glass. Not just any glass either, you like those fishbowl sized buggers that you could just about swim in. You know, those big Bordeaux glasses that you can fill up with a third of the bottle. You just banged down three of those, and now here you are telling the bottle it’s drunk, and it’s time to go home.
Maybe, just maybe, you might have a problem. I’m not trying to be hostile or anything; I’m just saying that if this is happening on a regular basis, you might just want to seek a little bit of help. Besides polishing off a bottle a night, what might be some other signs you are enjoying your “mommy’s time out” just a bit too much?
Kids notice things that you don’t. Think about it, “Why does she look so sad?” “Why is her skin that color?” “Why is that man losing his hair?” In our busy lives, made more hectic by the welcomed addition of children, we start to brush over details that kids notice. If you have begun drinking to the point that it is impacting your relational time with your children, a little bit regularly throughout the day, your kids will notice your distance. They may not say much, but the emotional borders that alcohol builds will have an impact. Your conversations could become distant and uninterested, “not fully present” is a good term for it. That is what kids notice and hold on to. If your alcohol use is causing a lack of presence for you with your family, you need to seek help.
It is one thing to have a glass of wine with friends or moms during your play date; it is another thing to have alcohol tucked away in secret locations, so you can access it while you are cleaning and doing your daily chores. If you are tucking it in the tank of the toilet or keeping some stashed behind the bottle of Clorox in the laundry room, apparently you are hiding something for a purpose. The more subtle part is the shame, if you are feeling shame as you are buying alcohol, there is a problem brewing. Shame comes from the innate feeling you are doing something you know is not right. If you are hiding purchases of anything out of some sense of guilt, you need to have a frank discussion with someone regarding this issue.
Need is a magic word when it comes to alcohol use. The moment, and it is a very subtle, gray moment, that wine (or any other alcoholic beverage) moves into a needed category in your life, you are starting onto a rocky path. There is no question to some of the benefits of the calming nature of a glass of wine, benefits to your heart, to your circulation system, to your libido, and to your life as a whole. If you are moving past that magic serving per day and have added a psychological component to it, the “I need” part, you are in danger of entering into the dark and tenacious grasp of alcohol addiction.
If the bottles are piling up at an ever increasing rate, and you are dropping off to sleep on your couch with your wine glass clasped tightly in your mitts, take a hard look at your use and consumption and be courageous enough to ask for help. It will be the best question you could ever ask.